Why the words we speak matter and how to turn them into jewels

There are certain words, phrases, or idioms that we use that can make us become rigid and somehow stereotypical. Sometimes words can hurt more than anything else and we often pay little attention to the words we say to others but above all to ourselves. These words have become so familiar to us that we tend to ignore that they reinforce the mentality into which we have fallen and prevent us from evolving and going further.

Let us get another view on this topic. Here some toxic examples to eliminate:

The famous “Why”, it’s the first word to eliminate. “Why am I like this? Why am I so unhappy? Why does this happen to me? Why do I have anxiety? Why do I get bad thoughts? Why did she/he leave me?” We could list an infinity of examples, but fact is that wondering about the causes of discomfort or believing that we know them will only take us into a downward spiral. Our discomforts come from an unknown territory and has the task to make us evolve, knowing why and going through all possible reasons is not only exhausting but also not meaningful, cause our soul is not based on the cause-effect principle. The more we believe that we know the causes, the more we hinder the process. Stop believing your own why and trust the inner world, which knows more than we do.

The real classic under the top four: “Yesterday” and awfully close to the first one. “I feel bad because I did not have loving parents, with my past no wonder it is as it is. It’s always the same, I continue to make the same mistake, etc. etc.  We are new every day and what happened is not decisive for our soul. Now, imagine, if you were a tree and each of your branches corresponds to a relationship, a job, a hobby, but also to a memory, a conviction, an attitude, a role, and you would never cut them, but the branches would continue to grow even if they are not alive and well. Do you think the branches would keep green and full of energy? The reason why a good gardener periodically cuts the dry branches is to renew the living cycle of the tree, so they will be able to flourish again and to grow healthy. And have you ever seen a tree crying because its branches have been cut?

The King of the top chart: “Improving”. I think there is no sentence we repeat as much as “I have to improve”, I have to become a better version of myself, something in my life has to change”. We always have something we could improve on and of course, we should also be the architect of our own life, but we also must leave room for spontaneity and for our natural being. If we walk through life with the obsession of how our life should be  and our only concern is to improve, we live under constant pressure. We need to perceive what is happening inside us in the absence of judgement or comment without disturbing our existence.

Last but not least: “Willpower”.  “It takes more willpower; I have to hang in there. Great goals require great effort”. This is not true willpower, but obstinacy and stubbornness that only lead us to go round in circles like headless chicken. Persistence in wanting to improve, to heal, etc. will not happen if we approach our goals this way. The most important ingredient when it comes to willpower to realise our goal is: Trust. Trust that things will naturally happen at the right time, in the right situations and with the right people for us.

Comfort only comes when you get another view on things. “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein.

This quote contains three interesting ideas. The first is that our discomfort derives from the mental system in which we are immersed, a mindset heavily influenced by the outside that prevents us from living in line with our deep nature. The second is that many people try to solve their problems with the same tools that generated them with the result that it won’t work. The third is that if we want to live with ease, we must start now.

Photo by Pascale Weber