The Bad Boy

Recently, this question came up during a coaching session: I’m falling in love with a bad boy, I’m scared, will I suffer? Well, I do not have any clairvoyant skills, but maybe I can give you another view on that.

It can happen to anyone and at any age to fall in love with someone who has the reputation of being a ” bad boy”. Let me be clear on something, starting a love story and being certain that there will be no pain is utopic, no matter if the guy is a bad boy or the portrait of a family father. If you are looking for this certainty, buy a toaster with a one-year guarantee, if it’s not working, you’ll get another one for free.

Life is in constant motion as love and passion. Expecting a sudden change of a man’s being just because we want it, is not realistic, because he might only change if a deep inner transformation takes place in him pushed by his own wish to do so. Love is certainly an element that can trigger the change, but the process must be spontaneous, not forced.

Being spontaneous and letting go of the ideal of the perfect man is the key to everything.

A possible change of our bad boy is only desirable if it makes this man genuinely happy and does not make him feel like a caged animal. A tamed tiger is not happy because it does not live its true nature… So, the only way, if we are in love, is to live this love and risk living day by day the beautiful emotions that the relationship is offering regardless of how the story will go.

After all, we fall in love with this “bad boy” just because of the way this man is and of his intriguing character. If you are so afraid of suffering, first do not expect any promises and second don’t use the word forever. Stay in the present and do not think about tomorrow.

Having said that, if in the beginning, you find yourself feeling filled with self-doubt and short on confidence you should live this love story away from the eyes of others, first of all from those who, knowing him, are immediately ready to pollute the atmosphere of love by spreading doubts all over the place and make you really insecure. Learn to listen to your inner voice in silence, especially when it comes to those giving advice without being asked.

Last but least, may be the first thing to do is not to constantly think about whether he will change or not, and secondly not to pay too much attention to those who think they already know how it will end.

Photography by Pascale Weber for Intersection Magazin Deutschland